INTRODUCTION:
As women, we have a lot of battles to fight in our lives. Some we fight and win, some we lose and some we fight over and over again. We fight to be taken seriously, to be treated as equals, to be educated as equals, paid as equals, to love as equals, advance as equals and (for some) to parent as equals.
But some battles we aren't fighting with men, or the status quo. Some battles are with the most disappointing foes of all: other women. Other women can be the most challenging argument because we don't really feel like we should have to explain ourselves-or our life choices to them. They should know what it costs us. They should show respect for each others differences, decisions and person hoods. Too often they harp the loudest. To separate themselves. I'm not like her. I'm more like men. I never want kids. She's a 'mommy'.
Recently, an article was shared by a friend I respect, a woman, who perhaps does not want children. I can't say for sure as we have never discussed it. The article: "I hate your kids. And I'm not sorry." Let that sink in for a moment. The author, a woman, a recent graduate, goes on to write about how she never wants kids, and she is tired of people telling her she'll change her mind. Okay. Whatever, I don't really care about that, specifically, and I have no opinion on whether she'll change her mind. My problem is the general derogatory nature. "I hate your kids."
Now, do I believe it's not ok for her to be of this opinion? Absolutely not. As you will, I say. But, in turn, I expect the same respect. In sharing this, my friend said she was glad for this article because it opened the dialogue for women who don't want kids, even if it pissed off the "mommy-bloggers". I don't believe that was necessarily directed at me, but cool. I am a mommy. And a blogger. Here is the problem: You will never further the dialogue on women's rights and issues if you shut down half the women by using the word "mommy" like it's a bad thing.
Talking about moms as if they are less than non-moms is just fucking stupid. Especially when it's by other women. Now, I've heard it said: Why did you even go to college, to just be a mom? Moms have all heard it. I went to college because I wanted an education. I wanted a seat at the table. I wanted a voice and I wanted to be taken seriously. Now that I have done all those things, I can tell you with all seriousness: go fuck yourself, why did you go to college? You aren't president. If a woman decides to become a mother, why is she less? Why is she less worthy of an education?
Another thing I've heard from my nearest and dearest is that they hate when moms say they're more tired than non-moms, or that they're more special than non-moms, or they're lives are validated by reproducing. Now, whether or not they are, is kind of irrelevant, and it's not my argument-the point is: taking anyone else's choices and experiences and invalidating them in this way is disrespectful. Intentionally or not.
As moms, we're getting a little tired of it being "ok" to throw shade on us (yeah, i said it-I read), because you are feeling insecure. If you maybe think it's cool to print an ad showing a working mom being less devoted than you to her job; that's bullshit-she's boss. If you need to print an article about how you 'hate our kids' because you think you'll get more respect as a broke ass millennial, new to the work force, with debt up your ass because you went to Columbia school of journalism and you're a woman-that's bullshit. Show some integrity. Don't try making a name for yourself by being divisive and trashing moms because you don't want kids. Are you 8?
News you can use: some moms stay home with kids, some work, some are single, some are divorced, some are college graduates, some aren't, some shame us all on Pinterest-all of our lives and choices as women are valid and individual whether we chose to be mothers or not. I'm not less because I chose to become a mother. Becoming a mother wasn't the only amazing thing I've done with my life. It is, however, my life and I expect to be taken seriously, and treated respectfully and not with scorn or disdain because of these individual decisions. This didn't happen to me. I decided to do this. After long contemplation I made a very educated decision to bring an awesome human into the world that as an adult will share my values on education and respect for everyone. And by the way have you looked outside lately? Yeah, you're welcome. 
And finally to Allana Weisman, the author, I understand how you feel. It isn't fair for people to tell you you'll change your mind as if you aren't old enough to know your own mind. I think what people are trying to say is that sometimes minds change, it's early, life's funny, and not all of us know the whole story or how it will unfold out of the gate. A lot of us were never having kids. Maybe someday, you like I, will get pregnant and realize this is your path. Maybe you wont. Either life is good and valid. But: if you want other people to treat you with respect and consider your decisions regarding motherhood valid, try doing the same for them. Try stepping outside your ivory tower and recognizing them as well.
Thanks for reading. If you have any comments, feel free to reach out to di@wickedmamas.com