As a new mom, I wonder about other mothers and motherhood in general sometimes-it can be pretty isolating when you haven't got your shit together just yet. Because my son will only sleep while touching me, and I can't just sleep sitting up, and he's already teething and not sleeping a ton-thanks for nothing milestone books, I wonder about absurd things sometimes. Today's absurd train of thought is about the Hemsworth Brothers...
Mother Overlords?
Do you think the Hemsworth Mother is like, a queen among mothers? Do we regard her with more reverence because of the beautiful men she has birthed? Do you think she knows that she has done a superior job, genetically speaking? Is there a group somewhere that monitors these people and sends Mother Helmsworth a nice note?? You remember how the Klingons had a group that decided on matters of culture and law? We need a mothers group that does that to send a nice note to Mother Hemsworth. I mean, seriously, boys this size would tear your house up!
Dressing Down for Life:
If you were to birth the Hemsworth brothers, or the next Hemsworth Brothers I guess, could you then dress down for life? I would. People would see me out and be like: Nice sweatsuit, Di. Maybe take a shower?? I would just either make a flourish and present my sons Hemsworth, or perhaps a photo from my phone, and that person would know they could mind their business-that I had made the world a better place already. I'd probably get fat.
Making the Hemsworths:
The genetic mutations that granted one set of parents the Hemsworth Brothers is probably a lot like hitting the lottery. Twice. The parents of these guys are pretty WASPy and blonde, but you don't look at them and think: Whoa! These two should keep breeding! Actually, given the last one that no one knows about, (or at least, I don't) being pretty medium, I guess even they don't have the market cornered on the Hemsworth Magic. I don't say that in a mean way, anyone would look pretty medium, comparitively, I expect. These are the parents, BTW:
Eat It, Bitches!
I hope, coming up, people were mean to Mother Hemsworth. Girls are pretty mean coming up in general (see Mean Girls), but I hope she's too cool for school now. I would be. She's probably really magnanimous about it though. Which brings me to my last thought on this:
"Hemsworth!"
Do you think she knows just how good looking her kids are? Think she sits there and giggles to herself sometimes at her successful genetics? I mean seriously, look at those two. I would be pretty proud of myself. She probably doesn't see it that way, but I propose whenever you see a mom just killing it out there, that rather than tearing her down or being jealous, because today isn't your day or you're caught up in those stupid mom wars, that you and she high-five each other and say "Hemsworth!" And you will both know we're all parents and none of us have any fucking clue.
Thanks for bearing with me! Please share your absurd, coffee addled, sleep deprived thoughts too!!