I used to have all the answers. I knew exactly what I wanted to eat to maintain my body while I was pregnant. I had looked into all the best yoga and barre classes in the area and I had read all the books. I loudly proclaimed my well-read opinions to parents who hadn't asked for them and they smiled knowingly at me all the while confirming what I already knew what the case; I was going to be the best parent. I had dogs too, so maybe I already was.
Then I became pregnant and there went all our beautiful ideas on what it would be like. I had committed the worst offense in parenthood: giving unsolicited, totally uninformed advice to people who were in the trenches while I went to brunch. I did not adhere to one of the cardinal rules of life: check yourself before you wreck yourself. I am a liar. Here are my most egregious lies...so far.